Money is the root of all evil. Not quite.1 Timothy 6:10 reads: "The love of money is the root of all evil." I think it's really important that we make that distinction. Nonetheless, it is also true that money issues cause more marital strife than just about anything else. And life is not much fun without any money. And as a single mom, you’ll quickly discover just how much fun it isn’t. There are surely more devastating things then the financial meltdowns that can happen as a result of divorce, but the financial impact can be immediate and profound.
In my case, my husband defined himself as the breadwinner. That’s what he did. He went to work. He worked long hours. He was out of town a lot. As a result, he was not much of a companion, nor was he big in the daddy department, but he did support us. And he did it fairly well. Thus, I had no idea that this support would not continue if we were separated.
Since my primary complaint about our marriage was his seeming lack of interest in us, his family, I figured he would relish his new found freedom and never dreamed he would not continue in his only family role - bringing home the bacon.
I don’t remember talking with him about what would happen with the money. I just assumed that he would continue to give me money. If no longer his wife, I was still the mother of his children and they still needed to eat. Assuming is not a good idea.
It's mostly a blur now, but when the first week went by, I thought it strange that he hadn’t shown up with some money. When the second week went by, I think I may have contacted him. As time went by, and my meager reserves began to dwindle, I started to worry. And I’m sure I got in touch with him again. When we did speak, he seemed nonchalant. And he explained his position to me. If he was not going to be living with us, he was not going to be paying for us. And he didn’t. In spite of a quite generous court order, I never got a dime – not one tenth of a dollar. Ever.
What made this really tough was the fact that I was a stay-at-home mom at the time. I had been homeschooling our daughter for several years. And she was just finishing middle school. We hadn’t even decided on plans for high school, but I was thinking about keeping her home. In any event, I hadn't worked in several years. Fortunately, I had gone back to school some years earlier and graduated from college not long before this, but I hadn’t planned on having to put my education to use so soon.
Then, because when it rains it pours, the IRS decided this was the time to levy our bank account having to do with an old business obligation of my husband’s. They wiped out the checking account. They even took my children’s savings accounts. I was left with $8.00 in my wallet. Our savings was in my husband's credit union and they hadn’t let me withdraw anything since the separation, and now my meager cash reserves were gone - vanished in an instant.
And there I was - living in an upscale suburb with a big, shiny car in one garage, assorted motorcycles and man toys in another, and a boat in the driveway - without a penny to my name and no source of income.
I pray your financial picture never ever gets this gloomy, but it could. And though God has graciously restored many of my blessings, I don’t know that I’ll ever truly recover from the trauma of those early days.And it was an excruciatingly difficult time for my kids. And as I watch the way they handle their finances today, it's clear to me that they haven't fully recovered. It is also clear that sins of the parents have been visited on them.
Am I suggesting that you stay married because of money? Yep. I am strongly suggesting that the money difficulties may overwhelm you. The struggles just may be more than you can manage. At the very least, you should take a long, hard look at your situation before you do anything because it will change. Perhaps dramatically. Probably irrevocably.
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