BFF

Yesterday I went to brunch with my dear friend, Fran, and she brought some pictures of her first born's recent wedding which brought the conversation around to the "good ole days" when we first met and married and had our kids.
We met at work so it wasn't odd that our conversation went back and forth to the world of work and, at some point, I mentioned how jealous I used to be of my sister-in-law, Mary Lou, who watched my first born when I had to go back to work. I've often thought if I'd have stopped to figure out all of the costs, I probably wasn't very far ahead by working, but it was the choice I made. And it was one I regretted every single day when I had to drop him off.
And as I told Fran yesterday, I don't know how Mary Lou managed. She had a little boy just a few months older than mine. It was like having twins. I used to marvel at her. They were always fed and clean and dry, but more than that, they all seemed happy. Her oldest wss only about four and wasn't yet in school, so she really had her hands full. I can't even imagine.
She and I became close during our pregnancies - her second, my first. We were married to brothers and their family lived nearby and were quite close. Most of my family was around, too, but they were much younger and not into the "married with kids" thing yet, so it was logical, I guess, that this shared journey would bring us together. And Mary Lou didn't have any siblings, so that probably contributed. In fairly short order, then, we became BFF and though we'd drifted apart the last few years after I remarried and her husband retired, we managed to get in a "quick" phone call every now and then which inevitable turned into an hour long visit.
It would be safe to say that Mary Lou knows me as well as anyone on the planet and there is nothing that I couldn't and haven't shared with her. And vice versa.
So, this evening, I can hardly breathe. I don't know how to function. I don't know what to do. I want to talk with my best friend and tell her how awful I feel, but I can't.
When her husband called me this afternoon, I knew it was bad news, but I never dreamed would never have guessed what he'd called to say. Sadly, a mutual friend has been quite ill, and I thought he might be calling about him. No. Perhaps even more sad is the fact that one of his younger sister's is battling cancer. I thought he might be calling about her. No.
No. No.
No.
He was calling to tell me that his wife and my best friend had died this afternoon. OMG!
I want to call Mary Lou and tell her awful this feels, but I can't. She's gone. I want to scream. I want to throw myself on the floor and have a tantrum like a two year old. I want to hear her voice.
Please call someone you love today and tell them how much they mean to you.